Wednesday, August 26, 2015

Political Quotes

I originally posted this on my old website on March 21, 2006. Some of these quotes were on the old Quotes page from November 2002 to November 26, 2004.

POLITICAL QUOTES

Liberty, when it begins to take root, is a plant of rapid growth.

--George Washington

The tree of liberty grows only when watered by the blood of tyrants.

--Bertrand Barére

The boisterous sea of liberty is never without a wave.

--Thomas Jefferson

God grants Liberty only to those who live it, and are always ready to guard and defend it.

--Daniel Webster

Loyalty to the country always. Loyalty to the government when it deserves it.

--Mark Twain

Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official, save exactly to the degree in which he himself stands by the country. It is patriotic to support him insofar as he efficiently serves the country. It is unpatriotic not to oppose him to the exact extent that by inefficiency or otherwise he fails in his duty to stand by the country. In either event, it is unpatriotic not to tell the truth, whether about the president or anyone else.

--Theodore Roosevelt

It is the duty of the patriot to protect his country from its government.

--Thomas Paine

Dissent is the highest form of patriotism.

--Howard Zinn

You can support the troops but not the president.

--Tom DeLay (in 1999)

To announce that there must be no criticism of the President – or that we must stand by the President right or wrong – is not only unpatriotic and servile, but is morally treasonable to the American public.

--Theodore Roosevelt

Those who make peaceful revolution impossible will make violent revolution inevitable.

--John Fitzgerald Kennedy

Government, even in its best state, is but a necessary evil; in its worst state, an intolerable one.

--Thomas Paine

Remember one thing about democracy.  We can have anything we want and at the same time, we always end up with exactly what we deserve.

--Edward Albee

A democratic government is only as strong as the alert conscience of its people.

--Charles W. Tobey

When government accepts responsibility for people, then people no longer take responsibility for themselves.

--George Pataki

Government can't give us anything without depriving us of something else.

--Henry Hazlitt

Every gun that is made, every warship launched, every rocket fired signifies, in the final sense, a theft from those who hunger and are not fed, those who are cold and are not clothed.  This world in arms is not spending money alone. It is the sweat of its laborers, the genius of its scientists, the hopes of its children.  The cost of one modern heavy bomber is this: a modern brick school in more than 30 cities.  It is two electric power plants, each serving a town of 60,000 population. It is two fine, fully equipped hospitals. It is some 50 miles of concrete pavement.  We pay for a single fighter plane with a half million bushels of wheat.  We pay for a single destroyer with new homes that could have housed for than 8,000 people.

--Dwight D. Eisenhower

A little government and a little luck are necessary in life, but only a fool trusts either of them.

--P. J. O'Rourke

The whole of government consists in the art of being honest.

--Thomas Jefferson

Character, in the long run, is the decisive factor in the life of an individual and of nations alike.

--Theodore Roosevelt

It’s the quality of the ordinary, the straight, the square, that accounts for the great stability and success of our nation.  But it’s a quality that many people seem to have neglected.

--Gerald Ford

The men who succeed best in public life are those who take the risk of standing by their own convictions.

--James Garfield

I would rather be right than President.

--Henry Clay

If a political party does not have its foundation in the determination to advance a cause that is right and that is moral, then it is not a political party; it is merely a conspiracy to seize power.

--Dwight D. Eisenhower

Politicians are interested in people.  Not that this is always a virtue.  Fleas are interested in dogs.

--P. J. O'Rourke

When a man assumes a public trust, he should consider himself as public property. --Thomas JeffersonNo man is good enough to govern another man without that other's consent.

--Abraham Lincoln

Rank does not confer privilege or give power.  It imposes responsibility.

--Peter Drucker

Leadership is an opportunity to serve.  It is not a trumpet call to self-importance.

--J. Donald Walters

You have achieved excellence as a leader when people will follow you anywhere, if only out of curiosity.

--Colin L. Powell

The American people are very generous people and will forgive almost any weakness, with the possible exception of stupidity.

--Will Rogers

Nothing will divide this nation more than ignorance, and nothing can bring us together better than an educated population.

--John Sculley

Government investigations have always contributed more to our amusement than they have to our knowledge.

--Will Rogers

If two men agree on everything, you may be sure that one of them is doing all the thinking.

--Lyndon B. Johnson

The activist is not the man who says the river is dirty.  The activist is the man who cleans up the river.

--Ross Perot

The U. S. Constitution doesn’t guarantee happiness, only the pursuit of it. You have to catch up with it yourself.

--Benjamin Franklin

A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.

--Dwight D. Eisenhower

A democracy cannot exist as a permanent form of government.  It can only exist until the voters discover that they can vote themselves largess of the public treasury.  From that time on, the majority always votes for the candidates promising the most benefits from the public treasury, with the results that a democracy always collapses over loose fiscal policy, always followed by a dictatorship.

The average age of the world's great civilizations has been 200 years.  These nations have progressed through this sequence: from bondage to spiritual faith; from spiritual faith to great courage; from courage to liberty; from liberty to abundance; from abundance to selfishness; from selfishness to complacency; from complacency to apathy; from apathy to dependency; from dependency back again to bondage.

--Sir Alex Fraser Tytler

Who is Jack Schitt?

I originally posted this on my old website on March 21, 2006. I am not the original creator; it was sent to me in an email, and I am just sharing it.

WHO IS JACK SCHITT?

The lineage is finally revealed. Many people are at a loss for a response when someone says “You don’t know Jack Schitt.” Now you can intellectually handle the situation.

Jack is the only son of Awe Schitt and O. Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Kneedeep N. Schitt Inc. In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt and the deeply religious couple produced 6 children: Holie Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Giva Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins: Deap Schitt and Dip Schitt.

Against her parents’ objections, Deap Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout. After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later married Mr. Sherlock, and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known at Noe Schitt-Sherlock.

Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt and they produced a nervous son, Chicken Schitt. Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony. The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens wedding. The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd and Hoarse. Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned home from Italy with his new bride, Pisa Schitt.

So now when someone says, “You don’t know Jack Schitt,” you can correct them.

Signs in Non-English Speaking Countries

I originally posted this on my old website on March 21, 2006. I am not the original creator; it was sent to me in an email, and I am just sharing it.

SIGNS AND ANNOUNCEMENTS IN NON-ENGLISH SPEAKING COUNTRIES

Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance:
ENGLISH WELL TALKING HERE SPEECHING AMERICAN

Hotel elevator, Paris:
PLEASE LEAVE YOUR VALUES AT THE FRONT DESK.

Hotel catering to skiers, Austria:
NOT TO PERAMBULATE THE CORRIDORS IN THE HOURS OF REPOSE IN THE BOOTS OF ASCENSION.

An advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist:
TEETH EXTRACTED BY THE LATEST METHODISTS.

A laundry in Rome:
LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME.

Hotel notice, Tokyo:
IS FORBIDDEN TO STEAL HOTEL TOWELS PLEASE. IF YOU ARE NOT A PERSON TO DO SUCH A THING IS PLEASE NOT TO READ NOTIS.

On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR.

In a Tokyo bar:
SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS.

In a Bangkok temple:
IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN EVEN A FOREIGNER IF DRESSED AS A MAN.

Hotel brochure, Italy:
THIS HOTEL IS RENOWNED FOR ITS PEACE AND SOLITUDE. IN FACT, CROWDS FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD FLOCK HERE TO ENJOY ITS SOLITUDE.

Hotel lobby, Bucharest:
THE LIFT IS BEING FIXED FOR THE NEXT DAY. DURING THAT TIME WE REGRET THAT YOU WILL BE UNBEARABLE.

Hotel elevator, Belgrade:
TO MOVE THE CABIN, PUSH BUTTON FOR WISHING FLOOR. IF THE CABIN SHOULD ENTER MORE PERSONS, EACH ONE SHOULD PRESS A NUMBER OF WISHINGFLOOR. DRIVING IS THEN GOING ALPHABETICALLY BY NATIONAL ORDER.

Hotel, Athens:
VISITORS ARE EXPECTED TO COMPLAIN AT THE OFFICE BETWEEN THE HOURS OF 9 AND 11 AM DAILY.

Hotel, Yugoslavia:
THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE IS THE JOB OF THE CHAMBERMAID.

Hotel, Japan:
YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID.

Sign in Japanese public bath:
FOREIGN GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO PULL COCK IN TUB.

Sign in men's rest room in Japan:
TO STOP LEAK TURN COCK TO THE RIGHT.

Taken from a menu, Poland:
SALAD A FIRM'S OWN MAKE; LIMPID RED BEET SOUP WITH CHEESY DUMPLINGS IN THE FORM OF A FINGER; ROASTED DUCK LET LOOSE BEEF RASHERS BEATEN UP IN THE COUNTRY PEOPLE'S FASHION.

Dry cleaner's, Bangkok:
DROP YOUR TROUSERS HERE FOR THE BEST RESULTS.

Tailor shop, Rhodes:
ORDER YOUR SUMMERS SUIT. BECAUSE IS BIG RUSH, WE WILL EXECUTE CUSTOMERS IN STRICT ROTATION.

Hotel, Vienna:
IN CASE OF FIRE, DO YOUR UTMOST TO ALARM THE HOTEL PORTER.

A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest:
IT IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN ON OUR BLACK FOREST CAMPING SITE THAT PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT SEX, FOR INSTANCE, MEN AND WOMEN, LIVE TOGETHER IN ONE TENT UNLESS THEY ARE MARRIED WITH EACH OTHER FOR THIS PURPOSE.

Hotel, Zurich:
BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX IN THE BEDROOM, IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR THIS PURPOSE.

Advertisement for donkey rides, Thailand:
WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS?

In the window on a Swedish furrier:
FUR COATS MADE FOR LADIES FROM THEIR OWN SKIN.

In a Swiss mountain inn:
SPECIAL TODAY - NO ICE-CREAM.

Airline ticket office, Copenhagen:
WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS.

Cocktail lounge, Norway:
LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.

At a Budapest zoo:
PLEASE DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS. IF YOU HAVE ANY SUITABLE FOOD, GIVE IT TO THE GUARD ON DUTY.

Doctors office, Rome:
SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.

Information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner, Japan:
COOLES AND HEATES: IF YOU WANT JUST CONDITION OF WARM AIR IN YOUR ROOM, PLEASE CONTROL YOURSELF.

Car rental brochure, Tokyo:
WHEN PASSENGER OF FOOT HEAVE IN SIGHT, TOOTLE THE HORN. TRUMPET HIM MELODIOUSLY AT FIRST, BUT IF HE STILL OBSTACLES YOUR PASSAGE THEN TOOTLE HIM WITH VIGOR.

Open Letter to Women Everywhere

I originally posted this on my old website on March 21, 2006. I am not the original creator; it was sent to me in an email, and I am just sharing it.

TO WOMEN EVERYWHERE FROM A MAN WHO'S HAD ENOUGH

Learn to work the toilet seat.  If it's up, put it down.  We need it up, you need it down.  You don't hear us bitching about you leaving it down.

If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

If you think you're fat, you probably are.  Don't ask us.  We refuse to answer.

Don't cut your hair.  Ever.  Long hair is always more attractive than short hair.  One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.

Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!

If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

Sometimes, we're not thinking about you.  Live with it.  Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

Sunday = Sports.  It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.  Shopping is not a sport, and no, we're never going to think of it that way.

When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.  You have enough clothes.  You have too many shoes.

Crying is blackmail.

Ask for what you want.  Let's be clear on this one: Subtle hints don't work.   Strong hints don't work.  Really obvious hints don't work. Just say it!

No, we don't know what day it is.  We never will.  Mark anniversaries on the calendar.

Peeing standing up is more difficult.  We're bound to miss sometimes.

Most guys own three pairs of shoes.  What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

Yes, and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.

That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem.  See a doctor.

Foreign films are best left to foreigners.

Check your oil.

It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz together. No, it doesn't matter which quiz.

Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days.

If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

Let us ogle.  We're going to look anyway; it's genetic.

You can either tell us to do something OR tell us how to do something but not both.

Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

ALL men see in only 16 colors.  Peach is a fruit, not a color.

If it itches, it will be scratched.

Beer is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.

If we ask what's wrong and you say “nothing” we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you're lying, but it's just not worth the hassle.

What the hell is a doily?

Microsoft vs. Tomatoes

I originally posted this on my old website on March 21, 2006. I am not the original creator; it was sent to me in an email, and I am just sharing it.

An unemployed man goes to try for a job with Microsoft as a cleaner. The manager there arranges for an aptitude test (Section: Floors, sweeping and cleaning).

After the test, the manager says:  You will be appointed on the scale of $30 per day.  Let me have your e-mail address, so that I can send you a form to complete and advise you where to report for work on your first day.  Taken aback, the unemployed man protests that he is neither in possession of a computer nor of an e-mail address. To this the MS manager replies: Well, then, that really means that you virtually don't exist and can therefore hardly expect to be employed.

Stunned, the man leaves. Not knowing where to turn and only having about $10 left, he decides to buy a 10 kg box of tomatoes at the supermarket.   Within less than 2 hours, he sells the tomatoes singly at 100% profit. Repeating the process several times more that day, he ends up with almost $100 before going to sleep that night. And thus it dawns on the man that he could quite easily make a living selling tomatoes.

Getting up early and earlier every day and going to bed late and later, he multiplies his hoard of profits in quite a short time. Not too long thereafter, he acquires a cart to transport several dozen boxes of tomatoes, only to have to trade it in again shortly afterwards on a pick-up truck. By the end of the second year, he is the owner of a fleet of pick-up trucks and manages a staff of a hundred former unemployed people, all selling tomatoes.

Considering the future of his wife and children, he decides to buy some life insurance.  Calling an insurance adviser, he picks an insurance plan to fit his new circumstances.  At the end of the telephone conversation, the adviser asks him for his e-mail address in order that he might forward the documentation. When the man replies that he has no e-mail, the adviser is stunned: "What, you don't even have e-mail?  How on earth have you managed to amass such wealth without the Internet, e-mail and e-commerce?  Just imagine where you would have been by now, if you had been connected from the very start!"

After a moment's silence, the tomato millionaire replied: "Sure! I would have been a cleaner at Microsoft!"

Morals of the story:

1: The Internet, e-mail and e-commerce do not need to rule your life.

2: If you don't have e-mail, but work hard, you can still become a millionaire.

3: Seeing that you got this story online, you're probably closer to becoming a cleaner than you are to becoming a millionaire.

4: If you do have a computer and e-mail, you're already being taken to the cleaners by Microsoft.

Mathematical Proof That Girls Are Evil

I originally posted this on my old website on March 21, 2006. I am not the original creator; it was sent to me in an email, and I am just sharing it.

Mathematical Proof that girls are evil:

First we state that girls require time and money:

GIRLS = TIME x MONEY

As we all know, "time is money" 

TIME = MONEY

Therefore,

GIRLS = MONEY x MONEY = MONEY2

And because "money is the root of all evil:"

MONEY = √EVIL

Therefore: 

GIRLS = √EVIL2

So we are forced to conclude:

GIRLS = EVIL

Special High Intensity Training

I originally posted this on my old website on March 21, 2006. I am not the original creator; I am just sharing it.

TO:  ALL EMPLOYEES

FR:  MANAGEMENT

SUBJECT:   SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING

In order to assure the highest levels of quality work and productivity from employees, it will be our policy to keep all employees well trained through our program of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (S.H.I.T.).  We are trying to give employees more S.H.I.T. than anyone else.

If you feel that you do not receive your fair share of S.H.I.T. on the job, please see your manager.  You will be immediately placed at the top of the S.H.I.T. list, and our managers are especially skilled at seeing that you get all the S.H.I.T. you can handle.

Employees who don’t take their S.H.I.T. will be placed in DEPARTMENTAL EMPLOYEE EVALUATION PROGRAMS (D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T.).  Those who fail to take D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T. seriously will have to go to EMPLOYEE ATTITUDE TRAINING (E.A.T. S.H.I.T.).  Since our managers took S.H.I.T. before they were promoted, they don’t have to do S.H.I.T. anymore, and are full of S.H.I.T already.

If you are full of S.H.I.T., you may be interested in a job training others.  We can add your name to our BASIC UNDERSTANDING LECTURE LIST (B.U.L.L. S.H.I.T.). Those who are full of B.U.L.L. S.H.I.T. will get the S.H.I.T. jobs, and can apply for promotion to DIRECTOR OF INTENISTY PROGRAMMING (D.I.P. S.H.I.T.).

If you have any further questions, please direct them to our HEAD OF TRAINING, SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (H.O.T. S.H.I.T.).

Thank you,

BOSS IN GENERAL

SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING

(B.I.G. S.H.I.T)