Peace Plaza Quotes

I originally posted this on my old website on April 27, 2008.

PEACE PLAZA QUOTES

These quotes are from Peace Plaza at the Vern W. Miller Civic Center in Salem, Oregon. Not all of these quotes are from famous people, some are from member of the Salem community, including children.

Let us become one world,
Hand to hand, traveling in the footsteps
Of fellowship and peace.

--Hayes Bell

Why not dedicate the open space between City Hall and the Salem Public Library as Peace Plaza? Peace Plaza could be a natural rallying point for community gatherings. Peace Plaza makes a community statement.

--Statesman Journal Editorial, 24 November 1985

We can each work for Peace, step by step, by building trust, tolerance, and cooperation. We seek to solve disputes in our families, our communities, and in our world though peaceful means.

--Peace Plaza Board 1991-92

Neighbors living in harmony share in a neighborhood of peace:
Neighborhoods living in harmony share in a city of peace…
May Salem always be known as a city of peace.

--Bill Riegel

We can assure peace between nations only if the people in each country make in unlawful for their leaders to invade other nations.

--Chester and Florence Horn

Peace means
no wars,
friendship,
living together,
going anywhere,
helping each other,
not mattering what color we are.

--Heidi S. Berryman, age 12

Let there be peace on earth
And let it begin with me.

--Sy Miller and Jill Jackson

The only cure for nuclear war is prevention.

--Salem Chapter: Physicians for Social Responsibility

Peace through human reason, compassion, and endeavor.

--Humanist Association of Salem

The rule for individual behavior is: what you do not want others to do to you, do not do to them.

--Confucius

Clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, patience… over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

--Colossians 3:12-14

I pledge allegiance to our planet and all its elements; to the welfare of the people, plants and animals who live here; to protecting our water air and land.

To all these, I pledge my resources to work for the benefit of the phenomena, ‘planet earth.’

--Robert J. Hansen

That long Canadian frontier… guarded only by neighborly respect and honorable obligations, is an example to every country and a pattern for the future of the world.

--Winston Churchill

Don’t become your brother’s keeper; be your brother’s brother.

--Jesse Jackson

Buried was the bloody hatchet;
Buried was the dreaded warclub;
Buried were all warlike weapons,
And the war-cry was forgotten.
There was peace among the nations.

--Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

After all, there is but one race – humanity.

--George Moore

If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other.

--Mother Teresa

A child is a person who is going to carry on what you have started.

--Abraham Lincoln

Hear me, my chiefs, I am tired.
My heart is sick and sad.
From where the sun now stands
I will fight no more forever.

--Chief Joseph

This planet can never be at peace until we launch a journey into meditation in every young mind.

--Osho

Justice is always the foundation of peace.

--U.S. Bishops’ Peace Pastoral

The earth is one small precious planet.
Let’s celebrate it together.

--Russell Schweickart

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
And remember what peace there may be in silence.

--Max Ehrmann, Desiderata

Abundance is scooped from abundance and yet abundance remains.

--Anne Sexton

TRUST would settle every problem now!

--A Course in Miracles

For one who sees Me everywhere
and sees everything in Me,
I am never lost,
nor is he ever lost to me.

--Bhagavad-gita 6.30 (Sanskrit Text)

Look to this day,
for tomorrow is but a vision,
and yesterday a dream.

--Sanskrit Proverb

The first duty of love is to listen.

--Paul Tillich

Ah! When shall all men’s good
Be each man’s rule, and universal Peace
Like a shaft of light across the land
And like a lane of beans athwart the sea?

--Alfred Lord Tennyson

El respeto al derecho ajeno es la paz.
(Respect for the rights of others is peace.)

--Benito Juárez

World peace starts right here.
I will not raise my child to kill your child.

--Barbara Choo

We have met the enemy, and he is us.

--Pogo

Every person is the right person to act.
Every moment is the right moment to begin.

--Jonathan Schell

Peace is not the product of terror or fear; peace is not the silence of cemeteries; peace is not the result of violent repression. Peace is generosity. It is right and duty.

--Archbishop Oscar Romero

Everything has carried forth,
Vast differentiation is taking place.
Our tendency to focus on the human
causes us to miss the whole story.

--Brian Swimme, Canticle to the Cosmos

“I believe in the sun even when it’s not shining.
I believe in love, even when I feel it not.
I believe in God, even when He is silent.”

--On a concentration camp wall

If you want peace, work for justice…

--Pope Paul VI

If humanity does not opt for integrity, we are through completely. The odds are so close, it is absolutely touch and go. Each one of us could make the difference.

--Buckminster Fuller

First keep the peace within yourself, then you can also bring peace to others.

--Thomas à Kempis

Peace is my parting gift to you,
my own peace,
such as the world cannot give.
Set your troubled heart at rest and banish your fears.

--John 14:27

I want the cultures of all lands to be blown about my house as freely as possible.

--Mahatma K. Gandhi

To those in whom love dwells, the whole world is but one family.

--Hindu Proverb

Live in the virtue of that life and power that takes away the occasion of all wars.

--George Fox, 1651

The care of human life and happiness, and not their destruction, is the first and only legitimate object of good government.

--Thomas Jefferson

Love is the most durable power in the world… Love is the only force capable of transforming an enemy into a friend.

--Martin Luther King, Jr.

Let there be Peace on Earth, and let it begin with me.

--Rev. Bill Hoffhines

Believe, when you are most unhappy, that there is something for you to do in this world.
So long as you can sweeten another’s pain, life is not in vain.

--Helen Keller

Although the world is very full of suffering, it is also very full of the overcoming of it.

--Helen Keller

Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called the children of God.

--Matthew 5:9

And the only measure of your words and your deeds
Will be the love you leave behind when you’re done.

--Fred Small & Motherlode

“The future depends on what we do in the present.”

--Mahatma K. Gandhi

I pledge allegiance to the world,
To cherish every living thing,
To care for earth and sea and air,
With peace and freedom everywhere.

--Lillian Genser

Faith, hope and love, these three – and the greatest of there is love.

--1 Corinthians 13

We make a living by what we get,
But we make a life by what we give.

--Winston Churchill

May there always be Sunshine,
May there always be Blue Skies,
May there always be Mama,
May there always be me.

--From a Russian folksong

As we seek the way to an inner peace, remember that a peaceful day spent on a fishing stream brings benefits to more than the angler, for when we bring peace to ourselves, we help bring peace to all whom we meet.

--J.E. Hunt

It is never too late to give up our prejudices.

--Henry David Thoreau

Peace is no longer the absence of war, but the unfolding of worldwide processes making for the nurture of human life.

--Jane Addams

Peace is liberty in tranquility.

--Cicero

Peace we want because there is another war to fight against poverty, disease, and ignorance.

--Indira Gandhi

To climb these coming crests
One word to you, to you and your children:
stay together
learn the flowers
go light

--Gary Snyder

Working together we can build a world beyond war.

--Salem Beyond War Foundation

I do not want the peace which passeth understanding,
I want the understanding which bringeth peace.

--Helen Keller

The motive that should guide all of us, that should guide all mankind, is to tame the savageness of man and make gentle the life of the world.

--Robert F. Kennedy

The golden way is to be friends with the world and to regard the whole human family as one.

--Mahatma K. Gandhi

War is not healthy for children and other living things.

--Lorraine Schneider

The age of nations is past.
The task before us now,
If we would not perish,
Is to build the earth.

--Pierre Teilhard de Chardin

Of all victories the first and greatest is for a man to conquer himself.

--Plato

“Our most cogent diplomats cannot achieve peace without understanding, and understanding can only be reached through the hearts of the people.”

--Dwight D. Eisenhower

I complained because
I had no shoes
Until I met a man
Who had no feet.

--Anonynous

We must love one another or die.

--W.H. Auden

The journey of Shalom
has no first step
or last step
for it is
the walk itself.

--Jim and Susan Kephart

I will act as if what I do makes a difference.

--William James

You cannot shake hands with a clenched fist.

--Indira Gandhi

Wars are poor chisels for carving out peaceful tomorrows…
We must pursue peaceful ends through peaceful means.

--Martin Luther King, Jr.

If one would know a people,
Let him first consider their songs.

--Andrew Fletcher

Let us not deceive ourselves: we must elect world peace or world destruction.

--Bernard Baruch

There is a future for our children of peace.

--Allan Boesak

“When you live on the earth, you owe rent…
I realize I can’t take on all the problems of the world, but I do nibble away at the ones I can.”

--Mary H. Zimmerman

When you go around it in an hour and a half, you begin to realize that your identity is with that whole thing… On that small spot is everything… all of history and music and poetry and art and birth and love…

--Russell Schweickart

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.

--Lao-Tzu

Peace is what gives life to the WORLD.

--David and Erick Banks

It is better to light one small candle than to curse the darkness.

--Confucius

For all that has been
Thanks
To all that will be
Yes

--Dag Hammarskjöld

“The future depends on what we do in the present.”

--Mahatma K. Gandhi

A man’s true wealth is the good he does in the world.

--Muhammad

Determine that the thing can and should by done, and then we shall find the way.

--Abraham Lincoln

Not to aid one in distress is to kill him in your heart.

--African proverb

Courage is the price that life exacts for granting peace.

--Amelia Earhart

The real and lasting victories are those of peace, and not of war.

--Ralph Waldo Emerson

If we want to survive we must love our children more than we hate and fear our enemies.

--Irene Brown

No one making any noise
Just me playing quietly
Without any noise
Everybody doesn’t attack people
Make friends with everybody
Peace is good; peace is blue

--Nicholas John Bradley, Feb. 2005

It is time for people to rise to their full moral and spiritual height…and to say, “I will save the earth.”

--Helen Caldicott

Love is All.
It is your Strength.
It is your Peace.

--NAB

The world rests on three things: on justice, on truth, on peace. Yet those three are one and the same thing. For if there is justice, there is truth, and there is peace.

-- Talmud

I destroy my enemy by making him my friend.

--Abraham Lincoln

I have seen the world because of soccer and I have met many people. These people have made me have faith in the future of humankind. I believe that one day we will unite in a team… a great team called humanity.

--Pelé

Peace cannot be kept by force. It can only be achieved by understanding.

--Albert Einstein

“If there is compassion in the heart,
There will be love in the home.
If there is love in the home,
There will be wholeness in the community.
If there is wholeness in the community,
There will be harmony in the nation.
And if there is harmony in the nation,
There will be peace in the world.”

--Chinese Proverb

If we cannot end now our differences, at least we can help make the world safe for diversity.

--John Fitzgerald Kennedy

Knowledge is the preface to peace.

--Mark Hatfield

On earth, peace, good will toward men.

--Luke 2:14

People who develop the habit of thinking of themselves as world citizens are fulfilling the first requirement of sanity in our time.

--Norman Cousins

Nothing of real value is ever accomplished in the world without enthusiasm and self-sacrifice.

--Albert Schweitzer

Truth resides in every human heart, and one has to search for it there, … But no one has the right to coerce others to act according to his own view of truth.

--Mahatma K. Gandhi

Nonviolence demands that the means we use must be as pure an the ends we seek.

--Martin Luther King, Jr.

Our goal is not the victory of might, but the vindication of right; not peace at the expense of freedom, but both peace and freedom, here in this here in this hemisphere and around in the world.

--John Fitzgerald Kennedy

Open heart and ear to peace!
Clench you fist against the leash,
Lest you cease to be.
Hear the Sphinx speak out the past,
See the future in atom blast,
And then be free.

Irene Powers Smith, Philos

Children are the living messages we send to a time we will not see.

--Neil Postman

Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.

--Margaret Mead

Visions and ideas are potent only when they are shared. Until then, they are merely a form of daydreaming.

--Norman Cousins

There is no way to Peace. Peace is the way.

--A.J. Muste

An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind.

--Mahatma K. Gandhi

War is an invention of the human mind.
The human mind can invent peace with justice.

--Norman Cousins

Yasuraka ni nemutte kudasai;
Ayamachi wa kurikaeshimasenu kara.
Rest in peace;
For this mistake will not be repeated.

--Inscription at Hiroshima Peace Park, Hiroshima, Japan

Peace is better than war, because in peace the sons bury their fathers, but in war the fathers bury their sons.

--Francis Bacon

Don’t walk ahead of me, I may not follow.
Don’t walk behind me, I may not lead.
Walk beside me, and just be my friend.

--Albert Camus

This will be a place where people – as individuals – can renew their commitment to making the world a better place to live.

--Polly Hare

We were born to unite with our fellow men, and to join in community with the human race.

--Cicero

Since wars began in the minds of men, it is in the minds of men that the defenses of peace must be constructed.

--Preamble to the UNESCO Charter

A general definition of civilization: a civilized society exhibits the five qualities of truth, beauty, adventure, art, peace.

--Alfred North Whitehead

All that we are is the result of what we have thought. The mind is everything. What we think, we become.

--Buddha

Peace rules the day
When love rules the mind.

--William and Arline Reynolds

To Love without role, without power plays, is revolution.

--Rita Mae Brown

For it isn’t enough to talk about peace. One must believe in it. And it isn’t enough to believe in it. One must work at it.

--Eleanor Roosevelt

Friendship does not exist to criticize. Its function is to inspire confidence.

--Jean-Paul Sartre

Do all the good you can
In all the ways you can
At all the times you can
As long as you ever can
By all the means you can
In all the places you can
To all the people you can.

--Anonymous

Peace is the freedom that an eagle feels as he soars over the mountaintops.

--Jack D. Kilcrease III, Age 9

Treat the earth well… It was not given to you by your parents… It was lent to you by your children.

--Kenyan Proverb

Every gun that is made, every warship launched, every rocket fired, signifies, in the final sense, a theft from those who hunger and are not fed, those who are cold and are not clothed.

--Dwight D. Eisenhower

“The only way out of today’s misery is for people to become worthy of each other’s trust.”

--Albert Schweitzer

The earth is but one country, and mankind its citizens.

--Baha’u’llah

The woods are lovely, dark, and deep.
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

--Robert Frost

Someday, after we have mastered the winds, the waves, the tides and gravity, we shall harness for God the energies of love. Then for the second time in the history of the World we will have discovered fire.

--Pierre Teilhard de Chardin

Peace hath her victories, no less renowned than war.

--John Milton

As justice is a preserver, so it is a better procurer of peace than war.

--William Penn, 1693

Unable are the Loved to die,
For Love is Immortality.

--Emily Dickinson

Behold, how good and how pleasant it is, for brethren to dwell together in unity.

--Psalm 133:1

The Peace of God,
which passeth all understanding,
keep your hearts and minds
in the knowledge and love of God…

--The Book of Common Prayer

This person is my own, that person is an alien,
Only the small minded thus reckon;
To those of a profound open heart, however,
The entire humanity is one family.
Om shanti, shanti, shanti

--Sanskrit saying from the Hitopadesha

Learn to look at other beings with the eyes of compassion.

--Lotus Sutra

Come into my joy!
Come into my pain!
Come you be a friend of mine-
I’ll be the same.

--From Peace Child

Man may and should shed his own blood for establishing what he considers to be his “right.” He may not shed the blood of his opponent who disputes his “right.”

--Mahatma K. Gandhi

Peace is in the indwelling
Spirit that blossoms
Like a rose when we call its name.

Tom Deighan

Be servants of peace.
Work at home as you have worked abroad,
humbly, persistently, intelligently…
For in the end it will be the servants
who save us all.

--Sargent Shriver

There are no passengers on Spaceship Earth. We are all crew.

--Marshall McLuhan

Our goal must be, not peace in our time, but peace for all time.

--Harry Truman

Peace is: A line of love that will keep going through the hearts of people.

--Allegra Taylor Bradley

We believe…that the brotherhood of man transcends the sovereignty of nations…

--C. William Brownfield, 1946, from the Jaycee Creed

Lord, make me an instrument of Thy Peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love.
Where there is injury, pardon.
Where there is doubt, faith.
Where there is despair, hope.
Where there is darkness, light,
And where there is sadness, joy.

--Saint Francis of Assisi

“And peace would be the road we walk
Each step along the way
And peace would be the way we work
And peace the way we play.”

--John Denver

Until he extends the circle of his compassion to all living things, man will not himself find peace.

--Albert Schweitzer

The way to win an atomic war is to make certain it never starts.

--Omar Bradley

All works of love are works of peace.

--Mother Teresa

To live is so startling
It leaves little time for
Anything else.

--Emily Dickinson

The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.

--Edmund Burke

Almost anything you do will seem insignificant, but it is very important that you do it.

--Mahatma K. Gandhi

For Christ Himself is our way of peace,
Who has made both one, and broken down
the middle wall of division between us.

--Ephesians 2:14

True Christians do not engage in strife. They are the children of peace who have beaten their swords into plowshares and their spears into pruning hooks and know of no war.

--Menno Simons

Let us therefore follow after the things which make for peace.

--Romans 14:19

True Christians are the children of peace;
their hearts overflow with peace;
their mouths speak peace;
they are full of peace.

--Menno Simons

Ironic Quotes

I originally posted this on my old website on March 21, 2006.

IRONIC QUOTES

I cannot imagine any condition which would cause a ship to founder....Modern ship-building has gone beyond that.

--Edward J. Smith in 1907

Edward J. Smith was the White Star Line's most respected captain in 1907, and boasted of never having been in an accident worth mentioning. The White Star Line often gave him the honor of being Captain on the maiden voyage of a new ship, and in 1912 Smith planned to retire after serving as Captain on the maiden voyage of the world's largest ocean liner (at the time): the supposedly unsinkable R.M.S. Titanic. The Titanic struck an iceberg and sunk on that maiden voyage, and Smith chose to go down with his ship, becoming one of over 1,500 people to perish that night. I can't help but wonder if, as the ship sank under him, Captain Smith recalled making this arrogant statement.

---

Machine guns are overrated, airplanes silly and tanks mere toys.

--General Ferdinand Foch

Ferdinand Foch was a top General in the French Army during World War I. He died before World War II indisputably proved him wrong about military technology, though I wonder what the Red Baron thought of him.

---

This year will go down in history. For the first time, a civilized nation has full gun registration. Our streets will be safer, our police more efficient, and the world will follow our lead into the future.

--Adolf Hitler in 1935

There are probably a lot of ironic Hitler quotes, but I think this one is interesting. The year 1935 isn't known for the beginning of gun registration, and the last thing most of the world wants to do is follow Nazi Germany's lead on anything. Over 70 years later, the battle over gun registration continues, and Hitler's assertions about gun registration bringing safer streets and more efficient police have yet to be either proven or disproven definitively.

---

You can support the troops but not the President.

--Tom DeLay in 1999

Tom DeLay, a Republican Congressman, said this during Democrat Bill Clinton's presidency. At the time, American troops were deployed in Kosovo under Clinton's orders, and most Republicans disapproved of Clinton's decision to send in the troops. A few years later, with Republican George W. Bush as President and American troops in Afghanistan and Iraq, the tables were turned, and it was the Democrats who were expressing this belief, while Republicans linked supporting the President with supporting the troops.

Political Quotes

I originally posted this on my old website on March 21, 2006. Some of these quotes were on the old Quotes page from November 2002 to November 26, 2004.

POLITICAL QUOTES

Liberty, when it begins to take root, is a plant of rapid growth.

--George Washington

The tree of liberty grows only when watered by the blood of tyrants.

--Bertrand Barére

The boisterous sea of liberty is never without a wave.

--Thomas Jefferson

God grants Liberty only to those who live it, and are always ready to guard and defend it.

--Daniel Webster

Loyalty to the country always. Loyalty to the government when it deserves it.

--Mark Twain

Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official, save exactly to the degree in which he himself stands by the country. It is patriotic to support him insofar as he efficiently serves the country. It is unpatriotic not to oppose him to the exact extent that by inefficiency or otherwise he fails in his duty to stand by the country. In either event, it is unpatriotic not to tell the truth, whether about the president or anyone else.

--Theodore Roosevelt

It is the duty of the patriot to protect his country from its government.

--Thomas Paine

Dissent is the highest form of patriotism.

--Howard Zinn

You can support the troops but not the president.

--Tom DeLay (in 1999)

To announce that there must be no criticism of the President – or that we must stand by the President right or wrong – is not only unpatriotic and servile, but is morally treasonable to the American public.

--Theodore Roosevelt

Those who make peaceful revolution impossible will make violent revolution inevitable.

--John Fitzgerald Kennedy

Government, even in its best state, is but a necessary evil; in its worst state, an intolerable one.

--Thomas Paine

Remember one thing about democracy.  We can have anything we want and at the same time, we always end up with exactly what we deserve.

--Edward Albee

A democratic government is only as strong as the alert conscience of its people.

--Charles W. Tobey

When government accepts responsibility for people, then people no longer take responsibility for themselves.

--George Pataki

Government can't give us anything without depriving us of something else.

--Henry Hazlitt

Every gun that is made, every warship launched, every rocket fired signifies, in the final sense, a theft from those who hunger and are not fed, those who are cold and are not clothed.  This world in arms is not spending money alone. It is the sweat of its laborers, the genius of its scientists, the hopes of its children.  The cost of one modern heavy bomber is this: a modern brick school in more than 30 cities.  It is two electric power plants, each serving a town of 60,000 population. It is two fine, fully equipped hospitals. It is some 50 miles of concrete pavement.  We pay for a single fighter plane with a half million bushels of wheat.  We pay for a single destroyer with new homes that could have housed for than 8,000 people.

--Dwight D. Eisenhower

A little government and a little luck are necessary in life, but only a fool trusts either of them.

--P. J. O'Rourke

The whole of government consists in the art of being honest.

--Thomas Jefferson

Character, in the long run, is the decisive factor in the life of an individual and of nations alike.

--Theodore Roosevelt

It’s the quality of the ordinary, the straight, the square, that accounts for the great stability and success of our nation.  But it’s a quality that many people seem to have neglected.

--Gerald Ford

The men who succeed best in public life are those who take the risk of standing by their own convictions.

--James Garfield

I would rather be right than President.

--Henry Clay

If a political party does not have its foundation in the determination to advance a cause that is right and that is moral, then it is not a political party; it is merely a conspiracy to seize power.

--Dwight D. Eisenhower

Politicians are interested in people.  Not that this is always a virtue.  Fleas are interested in dogs.

--P. J. O'Rourke

When a man assumes a public trust, he should consider himself as public property. --Thomas JeffersonNo man is good enough to govern another man without that other's consent.

--Abraham Lincoln

Rank does not confer privilege or give power.  It imposes responsibility.

--Peter Drucker

Leadership is an opportunity to serve.  It is not a trumpet call to self-importance.

--J. Donald Walters

You have achieved excellence as a leader when people will follow you anywhere, if only out of curiosity.

--Colin L. Powell

The American people are very generous people and will forgive almost any weakness, with the possible exception of stupidity.

--Will Rogers

Nothing will divide this nation more than ignorance, and nothing can bring us together better than an educated population.

--John Sculley

Government investigations have always contributed more to our amusement than they have to our knowledge.

--Will Rogers

If two men agree on everything, you may be sure that one of them is doing all the thinking.

--Lyndon B. Johnson

The activist is not the man who says the river is dirty.  The activist is the man who cleans up the river.

--Ross Perot

The U. S. Constitution doesn’t guarantee happiness, only the pursuit of it. You have to catch up with it yourself.

--Benjamin Franklin

A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.

--Dwight D. Eisenhower

A democracy cannot exist as a permanent form of government.  It can only exist until the voters discover that they can vote themselves largess of the public treasury.  From that time on, the majority always votes for the candidates promising the most benefits from the public treasury, with the results that a democracy always collapses over loose fiscal policy, always followed by a dictatorship.

The average age of the world's great civilizations has been 200 years.  These nations have progressed through this sequence: from bondage to spiritual faith; from spiritual faith to great courage; from courage to liberty; from liberty to abundance; from abundance to selfishness; from selfishness to complacency; from complacency to apathy; from apathy to dependency; from dependency back again to bondage.

--Sir Alex Fraser Tytler

Who is Jack Schitt?

I originally posted this on my old website on March 21, 2006. I am not the original creator; it was sent to me in an email, and I am just sharing it.

WHO IS JACK SCHITT?

The lineage is finally revealed. Many people are at a loss for a response when someone says “You don’t know Jack Schitt.” Now you can intellectually handle the situation.

Jack is the only son of Awe Schitt and O. Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Kneedeep N. Schitt Inc. In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt and the deeply religious couple produced 6 children: Holie Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Giva Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins: Deap Schitt and Dip Schitt.

Against her parents’ objections, Deap Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout. After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later married Mr. Sherlock, and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known at Noe Schitt-Sherlock.

Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt and they produced a nervous son, Chicken Schitt. Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony. The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens wedding. The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd and Hoarse. Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned home from Italy with his new bride, Pisa Schitt.

So now when someone says, “You don’t know Jack Schitt,” you can correct them.

Signs in Non-English Speaking Countries

I originally posted this on my old website on March 21, 2006. I am not the original creator; it was sent to me in an email, and I am just sharing it.

SIGNS AND ANNOUNCEMENTS IN NON-ENGLISH SPEAKING COUNTRIES

Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance:
ENGLISH WELL TALKING HERE SPEECHING AMERICAN

Hotel elevator, Paris:
PLEASE LEAVE YOUR VALUES AT THE FRONT DESK.

Hotel catering to skiers, Austria:
NOT TO PERAMBULATE THE CORRIDORS IN THE HOURS OF REPOSE IN THE BOOTS OF ASCENSION.

An advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist:
TEETH EXTRACTED BY THE LATEST METHODISTS.

A laundry in Rome:
LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME.

Hotel notice, Tokyo:
IS FORBIDDEN TO STEAL HOTEL TOWELS PLEASE. IF YOU ARE NOT A PERSON TO DO SUCH A THING IS PLEASE NOT TO READ NOTIS.

On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR.

In a Tokyo bar:
SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS.

In a Bangkok temple:
IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN EVEN A FOREIGNER IF DRESSED AS A MAN.

Hotel brochure, Italy:
THIS HOTEL IS RENOWNED FOR ITS PEACE AND SOLITUDE. IN FACT, CROWDS FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD FLOCK HERE TO ENJOY ITS SOLITUDE.

Hotel lobby, Bucharest:
THE LIFT IS BEING FIXED FOR THE NEXT DAY. DURING THAT TIME WE REGRET THAT YOU WILL BE UNBEARABLE.

Hotel elevator, Belgrade:
TO MOVE THE CABIN, PUSH BUTTON FOR WISHING FLOOR. IF THE CABIN SHOULD ENTER MORE PERSONS, EACH ONE SHOULD PRESS A NUMBER OF WISHINGFLOOR. DRIVING IS THEN GOING ALPHABETICALLY BY NATIONAL ORDER.

Hotel, Athens:
VISITORS ARE EXPECTED TO COMPLAIN AT THE OFFICE BETWEEN THE HOURS OF 9 AND 11 AM DAILY.

Hotel, Yugoslavia:
THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE IS THE JOB OF THE CHAMBERMAID.

Hotel, Japan:
YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID.

Sign in Japanese public bath:
FOREIGN GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO PULL COCK IN TUB.

Sign in men's rest room in Japan:
TO STOP LEAK TURN COCK TO THE RIGHT.

Taken from a menu, Poland:
SALAD A FIRM'S OWN MAKE; LIMPID RED BEET SOUP WITH CHEESY DUMPLINGS IN THE FORM OF A FINGER; ROASTED DUCK LET LOOSE BEEF RASHERS BEATEN UP IN THE COUNTRY PEOPLE'S FASHION.

Dry cleaner's, Bangkok:
DROP YOUR TROUSERS HERE FOR THE BEST RESULTS.

Tailor shop, Rhodes:
ORDER YOUR SUMMERS SUIT. BECAUSE IS BIG RUSH, WE WILL EXECUTE CUSTOMERS IN STRICT ROTATION.

Hotel, Vienna:
IN CASE OF FIRE, DO YOUR UTMOST TO ALARM THE HOTEL PORTER.

A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest:
IT IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN ON OUR BLACK FOREST CAMPING SITE THAT PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT SEX, FOR INSTANCE, MEN AND WOMEN, LIVE TOGETHER IN ONE TENT UNLESS THEY ARE MARRIED WITH EACH OTHER FOR THIS PURPOSE.

Hotel, Zurich:
BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX IN THE BEDROOM, IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR THIS PURPOSE.

Advertisement for donkey rides, Thailand:
WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS?

In the window on a Swedish furrier:
FUR COATS MADE FOR LADIES FROM THEIR OWN SKIN.

In a Swiss mountain inn:
SPECIAL TODAY - NO ICE-CREAM.

Airline ticket office, Copenhagen:
WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS.

Cocktail lounge, Norway:
LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.

At a Budapest zoo:
PLEASE DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS. IF YOU HAVE ANY SUITABLE FOOD, GIVE IT TO THE GUARD ON DUTY.

Doctors office, Rome:
SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.

Information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner, Japan:
COOLES AND HEATES: IF YOU WANT JUST CONDITION OF WARM AIR IN YOUR ROOM, PLEASE CONTROL YOURSELF.

Car rental brochure, Tokyo:
WHEN PASSENGER OF FOOT HEAVE IN SIGHT, TOOTLE THE HORN. TRUMPET HIM MELODIOUSLY AT FIRST, BUT IF HE STILL OBSTACLES YOUR PASSAGE THEN TOOTLE HIM WITH VIGOR.

Open Letter to Women Everywhere

I originally posted this on my old website on March 21, 2006. I am not the original creator; it was sent to me in an email, and I am just sharing it.

TO WOMEN EVERYWHERE FROM A MAN WHO'S HAD ENOUGH

Learn to work the toilet seat.  If it's up, put it down.  We need it up, you need it down.  You don't hear us bitching about you leaving it down.

If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

If you think you're fat, you probably are.  Don't ask us.  We refuse to answer.

Don't cut your hair.  Ever.  Long hair is always more attractive than short hair.  One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.

Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!

If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

Sometimes, we're not thinking about you.  Live with it.  Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

Sunday = Sports.  It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.  Shopping is not a sport, and no, we're never going to think of it that way.

When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.  You have enough clothes.  You have too many shoes.

Crying is blackmail.

Ask for what you want.  Let's be clear on this one: Subtle hints don't work.   Strong hints don't work.  Really obvious hints don't work. Just say it!

No, we don't know what day it is.  We never will.  Mark anniversaries on the calendar.

Peeing standing up is more difficult.  We're bound to miss sometimes.

Most guys own three pairs of shoes.  What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

Yes, and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.

That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem.  See a doctor.

Foreign films are best left to foreigners.

Check your oil.

It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz together. No, it doesn't matter which quiz.

Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days.

If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

Let us ogle.  We're going to look anyway; it's genetic.

You can either tell us to do something OR tell us how to do something but not both.

Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

ALL men see in only 16 colors.  Peach is a fruit, not a color.

If it itches, it will be scratched.

Beer is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.

If we ask what's wrong and you say “nothing” we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you're lying, but it's just not worth the hassle.

What the hell is a doily?

Microsoft vs. Tomatoes

I originally posted this on my old website on March 21, 2006. I am not the original creator; it was sent to me in an email, and I am just sharing it.

An unemployed man goes to try for a job with Microsoft as a cleaner. The manager there arranges for an aptitude test (Section: Floors, sweeping and cleaning).

After the test, the manager says:  You will be appointed on the scale of $30 per day.  Let me have your e-mail address, so that I can send you a form to complete and advise you where to report for work on your first day.  Taken aback, the unemployed man protests that he is neither in possession of a computer nor of an e-mail address. To this the MS manager replies: Well, then, that really means that you virtually don't exist and can therefore hardly expect to be employed.

Stunned, the man leaves. Not knowing where to turn and only having about $10 left, he decides to buy a 10 kg box of tomatoes at the supermarket.   Within less than 2 hours, he sells the tomatoes singly at 100% profit. Repeating the process several times more that day, he ends up with almost $100 before going to sleep that night. And thus it dawns on the man that he could quite easily make a living selling tomatoes.

Getting up early and earlier every day and going to bed late and later, he multiplies his hoard of profits in quite a short time. Not too long thereafter, he acquires a cart to transport several dozen boxes of tomatoes, only to have to trade it in again shortly afterwards on a pick-up truck. By the end of the second year, he is the owner of a fleet of pick-up trucks and manages a staff of a hundred former unemployed people, all selling tomatoes.

Considering the future of his wife and children, he decides to buy some life insurance.  Calling an insurance adviser, he picks an insurance plan to fit his new circumstances.  At the end of the telephone conversation, the adviser asks him for his e-mail address in order that he might forward the documentation. When the man replies that he has no e-mail, the adviser is stunned: "What, you don't even have e-mail?  How on earth have you managed to amass such wealth without the Internet, e-mail and e-commerce?  Just imagine where you would have been by now, if you had been connected from the very start!"

After a moment's silence, the tomato millionaire replied: "Sure! I would have been a cleaner at Microsoft!"

Morals of the story:

1: The Internet, e-mail and e-commerce do not need to rule your life.

2: If you don't have e-mail, but work hard, you can still become a millionaire.

3: Seeing that you got this story online, you're probably closer to becoming a cleaner than you are to becoming a millionaire.

4: If you do have a computer and e-mail, you're already being taken to the cleaners by Microsoft.

Mathematical Proof That Girls Are Evil

I originally posted this on my old website on March 21, 2006. I am not the original creator; it was sent to me in an email, and I am just sharing it.

Mathematical Proof that girls are evil:

First we state that girls require time and money:

GIRLS = TIME x MONEY

As we all know, "time is money" 

TIME = MONEY

Therefore,

GIRLS = MONEY x MONEY = MONEY²

And because "money is the root of all evil:"

MONEY = √EVIL

Therefore: 

GIRLS = √EVIL²

So we are forced to conclude:

GIRLS = EVIL

Special High Intensity Training

I originally posted this on my old website on March 21, 2006. I am not the original creator; I am just sharing it.

TO:  ALL EMPLOYEES

FR:  MANAGEMENT

SUBJECT:   SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING

In order to assure the highest levels of quality work and productivity from employees, it will be our policy to keep all employees well trained through our program of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (S.H.I.T.).  We are trying to give employees more S.H.I.T. than anyone else.

If you feel that you do not receive your fair share of S.H.I.T. on the job, please see your manager.  You will be immediately placed at the top of the S.H.I.T. list, and our managers are especially skilled at seeing that you get all the S.H.I.T. you can handle.

Employees who don’t take their S.H.I.T. will be placed in DEPARTMENTAL EMPLOYEE EVALUATION PROGRAMS (D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T.).  Those who fail to take D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T. seriously will have to go to EMPLOYEE ATTITUDE TRAINING (E.A.T. S.H.I.T.).  Since our managers took S.H.I.T. before they were promoted, they don’t have to do S.H.I.T. anymore, and are full of S.H.I.T already.

If you are full of S.H.I.T., you may be interested in a job training others.  We can add your name to our BASIC UNDERSTANDING LECTURE LIST (B.U.L.L. S.H.I.T.). Those who are full of B.U.L.L. S.H.I.T. will get the S.H.I.T. jobs, and can apply for promotion to DIRECTOR OF INTENISTY PROGRAMMING (D.I.P. S.H.I.T.).

If you have any further questions, please direct them to our HEAD OF TRAINING, SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (H.O.T. S.H.I.T.).

Thank you,

BOSS IN GENERAL

SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING

(B.I.G. S.H.I.T)

Classic Oregonian Joke

I originally posted this on my old website on March 21, 2006. I am not the original creator; I am just sharing it.

A Texan, a Californian, and Oregonian are out riding horses.  The Texan pulls out an expensive bottle of whiskey, takes a long draught, then another and suddenly throws it into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the bottle in midair.

The Californian looks at him and says, "What are you doing? That was a perfectly good bottle of whiskey!"
The Texan says, "In Texas, there is plenty of whiskey and the bottles are cheap."

A while later, not wanting to be outdone, the Californian pulls out a bottle of champagne, takes a few sips, throws the champagne into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots it in midair.

The Oregonian can't believe his eyes, "What the heck did you do that for?  That was a perfectly good bottle of champagne!"

The Californian says, "In California, we have plenty of champagne and bottles are cheap."

So, awhile later, the Oregonian pulls out a bottle of Widmer Hefeweizen.  He opens it, takes a sip, and then chugs the whole bottle. He then puts the bottle in his saddlebag, pulls out his gun, and shoots the Californian.

The Texan, shocked, says, "Why the heck did you do that?!"

The Oregonian replies, "In Oregon, we have plenty of Californians and the bottles are worth a nickel."

Definitions

I originally posted this on my old website on March 21, 2006. This was part of the old Words of Wisdom page from November 2002 to November 26, 2004. I am not the original creator; I am just sharing it.

DEFINITIONS

Ambidextrose: Able to put sugar in coffee with either hand.

Angoraphobia: Abnormal fear of sweaters.

Atheism: A non-prophet organization.

Bartender: A pharmacist with a limited inventory.

Carp Diem: Seize the fish.

Cogito Ergo Spud: I think, therefore I yam.

Deja Fu: The feeling that somehow, somewhere, you’ve been kicked in the head like this before.

Democracy: Three wolves and a sheep voting on what's for lunch.

Depression: Anger without enthusiasm.

Female Kitten: The gift that keeps on giving.

Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.

Hangover: The wrath of grapes.

Pipe cleaner: A toothpick with long underwear.

Skydiving: Good to the last drop.

Teamwork: Never having to take all the blame yourself.

Televangelists: The pro wrestlers of religion.

Veni, Vidi, Visa: I came, I saw, I did a little shopping.

Bumper Stickers We’d All Like To See

I originally posted this on my old website on March 21, 2006. This was part of the old Words of Wisdom page from November 2002 to November 26, 2004. I am not the original creator; I am just sharing it.

BUMPER STICKERS WE’D LIKE TO SEE

If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hands.

Death to all fanatics!

I didn’t fight my way to the top of the food chain to become a vegetarian.

Honk if you love peace and quiet.

Parking is such street sorrow.

If there’s one thing I can’t stand, it’s intolerance.

Forget about world peace – visualize using your turn signal!

Clones are people two.

A waist is a terrible thing to mind.

I’m diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

Nostalgia just isn’t what it used to be.

Think “honk” if you’re telepathic.

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

Rock is dead. Long live paper and scissors!

Dyslexics have more fnu.

Demons are a ghoul’s best friend.

Burning Questions

I originally posted this on my old website on March 21, 2006. This was part of the old Words of Wisdom page from November 2002 to November 26, 2004. I am not the original creator; I am just sharing it.

BURNING QUESTIONS

If vegetable oil is made of vegetables, what is baby oil made of?

If I save time, do I get it back?

If I were you... who'd be me?

If there's a funeral procession at night, do folks drive with their lights off?

Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?

If it’s true that we’re all here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?

If you throw a cat out a car window, does it become kitty litter?

When it rains, why don’t sheep shrink?

Stupidity got us into this mess.  Why can’t it get us out?

Why is brassiere singular and panties plural?

If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, does it make a sound?

Why do we sing “Take me out to the ball game” when we’re already there?

Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?

How do you know when it’s time to tune your bagpipes?

If dolphins are so smart, why did Flipper work for television?

How do they get deer to cross at that yellow road sign?

If we aren’t supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?

How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?

Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn’t zigzag?

Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?

Does a French athlete wear a Jacques strap?

If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

Is boneless chicken considered to be an invertebrate?

If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they still working for a living?

If Barbie’s so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

If practice makes perfect, but nobody’s perfect, why practice?

If love is blind, then why do they make lingerie?

Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?

If we keep growing seedless watermelons, where are we going to get watermelons?

What was sliced bread the greatest thing since?

After eating, do amphibians have to wait one hour before getting out of the water?

If our knees bent the other way, what would a chair look like?

Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the 'terminal'?

How come we choose from just two people for president and 50 for Miss America?

Ever notice that people who spend money on beer, cigarettes, and lottery tickets are always complaining about being broke and not feeling well?

Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?

Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?

Origin of the ~WESTR Logo

I originally posted this on my old website on March 21, 2006.

If you were wondering where the logo pictured above came from, here is its story.

When I came up with the layout for my website, I wanted a menu on the left side of every page, and a banner across the top. This is a very common layout, and works well. It also just happens to be the layout of the Milwaukee School of Engineering's website, on who's servers my own website is hosted. The background of my website, with the blue sidebar, is a modified version of MSOE's background, which has a red sidebar. MSOE puts their logo in the top left corner, and I though my website looked strange without a logo of some kind in that spot.

The address of my website is MSOE's address with "~westr" added to the end. I pronounce "westr" like "Westar" or "West Star," which got me thinking that I could incorporate a star into the logo for the top left of my website.

Once I reached the decision to use a star for the logo, I thought of a railroad-related emblem that I could adapt for my own use, making a connection between my website and trains, which are a major part of my website.

In 1947, General Motors built a promotional passenger train called the Train of Tomorrow. This train consisted of one of GM's new E7A passenger diesel-electric locomotives and four state of the art passenger cars. GM didn't build railcars, so the cars themselves were build by Pullman-Standard, but they were packed with modern technology from various General Motors divisions, including Detroit Diesel, Frigidaire and Delco. The train was styled by GM's own Harley Earl, painted in a dark green-blue with a band of stainless steel fluting below the window level, and each of the four cars featured a glass dome on a raised floor in the center of the car, giving passengers a nearly unobstructed view in any direction. Before the Train of Tomorrow cars, only one dome car had yet been built, and the Train of Tomorrow pioneered the idea of the Dome Dining Car and Dome Sleeping Car. The train toured the United States before being sold to the Union Pacific Railroad, who used the train in regular service between Portland and Seattle into the 1960s.

What does this have to do with the logo for my website? Well, take a look at the locomotive that pulled the Train of Tomorrow.

Look at that red shooting-star General Motors logo. That logo was the inspiration for the one I used for my website. Mine is not an exact copy: I changed the colors and simplified it a little, and I think I made it look a bit more contemporary.

For more information about the Train of Tomorrow, check out the following link.

The Train of Tomorrow at Web Lurker's DOME.main

Original blank image of E7A locomotive provided by:

About the old ~WESTR Website

I originally posted this on my old website on March 21, 2006. Most of this information applied only to the old website, and not to this blog. The laptop and digital cameras shown here have been replaced by newer models.

On this page, I will discuss the technical aspects of my old website, for people who may want to build their own website, or people who are just curious.

I've found it really doesn't take a lot of knowledge or equipment to build a website.

This website was hosted on the servers of the Milwaukee School of Engineering. I am an MSOE graduate, and thus I had a limited amount of webspace from MSOE for a website. Because of this, I don't know anything about finding a webhost or registering a domain name. I know very little HTML. I built the website almost entirely with Microsoft FrontPage 2003. I also used Microsoft Word and Excel a little. I used LeechFTP to upload to the MSOE server.

The website was in its second version. I originally created the website in the fall of 2002. The pages had a very simple format, and I used frames to create the menu bar on the side.

The original website consisted of an About page, similar to my later Bio page, my class schedule, with a list of classes taken to date, and resume, a Picture page with personal photos and links to pages with Car Pictures, Airplane Pictures (all from the Evergreen Aviation Museum) and Milwaukee Pictures, a Trains section with Train Pictures pages as they are now, though only with pictures taken from 2001 onward, and the Logan & San Miguel section, and then the Writings, Humor, Quotes and Links sections, though they weren't as extensive as they eventually became. Later I added the HO Scale Diesel Production Spreadsheets to the Trains section, and created MacGyver's How-To Guide.

Eventually I discovered that because the website's pages were on MSOE's server, they came up in searches on Yahoo! and Google, without the menu frame. I didn't like this idea, and I was never happy with the look of the website in the first place, so after graduating from MSOE I began a complete redesign of the website, using tables instead of frames to create the menu bar.

With the redesign came some changes in the content as well. Since I was no longer in college, the schedule would disappear. I also removed the Personal Pictures, Car Pictures, Humor and Quotes sections to save space for pictures scanned from my photo albums. I created a Places section, and the Airplane Pictures page became the Places: Evergreen Aviation Museum page and the Milwaukee Pictures page became the Places: Milwaukee, Wisconsin page. The hard-to-categorize MacGyver's How-To Guide became a Feature. Many new Features, Places and other pages were added.

In late 2004, I uploaded the new version of the website, which is basically the version you see now, though I've added a lot to it since then. In March 2006, I brought back old the Humor, Quotes and Cars sections, all expanded.

Many of my photos were hosted in other places, such as Bebo and MSN Spaces, to save space. The Journal (I hated the word Blog) that appeared on the site was also hosted by MSN Spaces.

My computer was an MSOE-issued Compaq Evo N800c notebook, with a 1.6 GHz Intel Pentium 4 Mobile processor and 256 MB RAM. Connected to it was a Lexmark PrinTrio X1150 Printer/Scanner/Copier supposedly capable of up to 9600 DPI Scan Resolution.

As for creating graphics, almost all of my graphics started out in Microsoft Paint. Many of the maps and other complex graphics are hand drawings that I scanned into MS Paint as simple black and white line drawings, and cleaned them up and enhanced them from there. This is where I added lettering and color. In making the transition from drawing to bitmap to GIF or JPEG, I usually used the Lexmark Photo Editor that came with my scanner and the Microsoft Office Picture Manager. If those wouldn’t do what I want them to, I could usually manage with Paint Shop Pro 4 or Roxio PhotoSuite 7.

Now for the photography, which I think is the most interesting part.

Like many kids, I had a series of cheap, fixed-lens, point-and-shoot 35mm cameras when I was young. There might have been a handful of pictures on the site that were taken with these, or with single-use disposable cameras, but there wouldn't be many.

Most of my early photos on the website were taken with a Philippines-made 35mm Vivitar 5500PZ, featuring a Series 1 Auto Focus Lens with a 38-70mm Macro Focusing Power Zoom. It was a really nice point-and-shoot 35mm camera when I got it in the mid-1990s. I used this camera up through most of 2002. Just about any picture on this website taken before 2002 was taken with the Vivitar, usually using ASA 200 film. This included many of the train pictures, the Stevens Pass pictures, the Chicago pictures, many of the Milwaukee pictures, the older Astoria pictures and the pictures for The Last Voyage of the USS Missouri.

The Vivitar was replaced in 2002 by a classic 35mm SLR, the Asahi Pentax Spotmatic SP. The serial number of mine is #1098543. It was made in Japan sometime between 1964 and 1967. It may be old, but in 40 years the 35mm SLR hasn't changed much, so it doesn't really matter. The Pentax Spotmatic is entirely an optical/mechanical device; the only electrical component in the camera is the light meter, and the camera can operate without it.

My standard lens for the Pentax is a Japanese Asahi Super-Takumar 1:1.8 55mm, serial number #1467895, which was probably the lens that came with the camera. I typically use Kodak ASA 200 film. This combination took practically all pictures from 2002 to 2005, including the Evergreen Aviation Museum pictures, Illinois Railway Museum pictures, Weyerhaeuser Woods Railroad pictures, Lewis & Clark Explorer pictures, Rainier pictures, most of the Astoria pictures and many of the Kelso-Longview pictures.

For more about Pentax Spotmatics, See Photoethnography.com's Spotmatic page.

I have other lenses for the Pentax, all of Japanese manufacture, though they don't see much use. My Wide-Angle lens is a Asahi Auto-Takumar 1:2.3 35mm, serial number #879611, dating from between 1959 and 1962. I found that of my lenses, this one gave the best depth-of-field for taking close-up model railroad photos. The Logan & San Miguel Railroad pictures were taken using this lens and ASA 400 film to make up for poor lighting.

When I need to zoom in on something, I use a Vivitar 85-205mm Auto Zoom 1:3.8 58mm, serial number #22417971. This is a long, bulky lens, so I only use it when I really need it, but it works well. (My dad's camera is a slightly newer Pentax K1000, and his Pentax zoom lens is much more compact, so he uses it as his standard lens. I have found that I really don't need the zoom that much. A Wide-Angle on the other hand...)

My last lens is a Soligor Telephoto 1:3.5 135mm, No. M3747, dating from 1960, though I don't recall ever actually having occasion to use this lens.

I typically have my 35mm film developed to 3" x 5" prints, which I then scan on my flatbed scanner at 300 DPI for website use. My typical procedure is to use the Lexmark Photo Editor to scan the photo to the clipboard as a bitmap. I then paste into Microsoft Paint, where I crop the edges of the image and save as a JPEG. Any further resizing or cropping is done with the Microsoft Office Picture Manager.

The Pentax is still my choice for 35mm photography, but it is bulky to carry around every day. Plus it has the drawbacks of film, namely that is has to be developed to know for sure how the pictures came out, and that there is a long process to get the photos into electronic form. Given that, I now use a digital camera for my day-to-day use.

I bought my first digital camera, a Chinese-made Argus DC1512, in December of 2003. The Argus's only selling point was that, at less than $20, it was cheap, and I was in college so I didn't have money for a decent digital camera. I bought the Argus specifically for taking pictures of my cross-country drive from Wisconsin to Oregon, so I could have a small, light camera for taking pictures while driving without having to worry about wasting film or dropping the camera. As the price implies, the Argus was very limited, with only 2MB of internal memory (and no provision to add more) and resolution of up to 352 x 288 (just over 0.1 Megapixels). Photos taken with the Argus were limited to the American Journey page.

In October of 2005, I finally got a good digital camera: the Malaysian-made Canon PowerShot A520. The Canon has a maximum resolution of 4.0 Megapixels, or up to 2272 x 1704, and features a 4x (5.8-23.2mm) 1:2.6-5.5 Optical Zoom Lens. In addition to the resolution and optical zoom, I was also drawn to the PowerShot A520 because it takes either alkaline or rechargeable AA batteries, and is also capable of taking short video clips. The camera came with a Canon 16 MB MultiMediaCard, but I have since upgraded with an ATP 512 MB 60X Secure Digital Card, and two pairs of Ni-MH rechargeable AA batteries. As I learn its controls, this camera continues to amaze me with its ability to take good pictures in almost any conditions, from  night pictures of buildings, to Box Elder Bug close-ups, to taking a picture of a train through the car window without looking while driving on the freeway at 80 miles per hour. It does have drawbacks, namely the lag time between photographs, and it has trouble with fast-moving objects (like cats). It is also so small that it is hard to hold steady; I usually use Sport Mode to compensate. Originally, there weren't many pictures online from this camera, though some of the Kelso-Longview pictures, and train pictures from 2006 were taken with it. With the convenience and nearly unlimited picture capacity, this camera soon became my main camera, and I abandoned film.

Acknowledgements

I would like to thank some people who have made this website possible.

• The Milwaukee School of Engineering, for web space, and an education.

• The MSOE Library's Gary Shimek and Bill Krajnak, who gave me projects that developed my webpage-building skills.

• Fred Anderson, for the Pentax Spotmatic.

• Scott Keller, for Technical Support, and MacGyver Screen Captures.

• Bebo and MSN Spaces, whom I leeched off of.

• Wikipedia, for being an awesome resource.

• The late Harley Earl, for inspiring some of the site's aesthetics.

• Anyone I linked to on any of my pages: you've contributed somehow, even if you don't know or can't tell.

• Anyone who emailed me about the website, for letting me know people did read it.

• Anyone who enjoyed something I posted, just for being out there somewhere.

• and Richard Dean Anderson, for playing MacGyver.

Awards

I originally posted this on my old website on May 17, 2005

Over the years, I've won a number of awards, usually for academics.  I recently found a number of these awards, and I decided my ego needed stroking, so here they are.

6^th Grade Best Academic Boy                                                         June 9, 1994

Award of Excellence: Drafting Technology                                          March 1995

English Award                                                                                 March 1995

Forestry Award                                                                          March 15, 1995

United States Achievement Academy National Award Winner                        1996

Significant Achievement Award – Advanced Woods                 1^st Semester 98-99

Significant Achievement Award – Advanced Woods                 2^nd Semester 98-99

Significant Achievement Award – U.S. History in Film             2^nd Semester 98-99

National Merit Scholarship Semifinalist                                                        1999

Toyota Community Scholar Nominee                                                           1999

Milwaukee School of Engineering $32,000 Academic Scholarship                  2000

National Merit Scholarship Finalist                                                              2000

President’s Award for Educational Excellence                                              2000

Oregon Scholar                                                                                         2000

KLOG/KUKN Student of the Month                                                February 2000

Science Student of the Month                                                             April 2000

The Daily News Outstanding Student Award                                      May 4, 2000

Oregon Honors Diploma                                                                 May 25, 2000

Portland Metro Region Stock Market Game 4^th Place $136,268        May 25, 2000

English Dept. Took the Challenge Award                                         May 25, 2000

English Dept. Creativity & Language Talent Award                           May 25, 2000

Senior Design Rodman Cottage Individual Design 3^rd Place                     Fall 2003

Senior Design North Avenue Mixed-Use Group Design 1^st Place              Fall 2003

Who’s Who Among Students in American Colleges & Universities         2003-2004

MSOE Student Employee of the Year Nominee                         February 10, 2004

The Onion: Front Page, 2034

A fictional future front page from The Onion in the year 2034 was published in the January 1, 2000 issue of Newsweek. It does not appear to have ever been published on the internet. I posted a version on my old website on May 5, 2005, that very closely mimicked the layout of the original. I lost that file, and I don’t have the space here to accurately recreate the layout, but I am including the content.

Front Page, 2034: Future news as reported by the popular weekly satirical Web site

the ONION

WWW.THEONION.COM MEXAMERICANADA’S FINEST NEWS SOURCE 17 NOVEMBER 2034

President Love Hewitt Threatens to ‘Totally Veto’ New Arms Bill

Above: President Love Hewitt addresses reporters at a White House press conference.

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Calling the bill “like, so totally fiscally irresponsible,” President Love Hewitt announced Mon­day that she will veto the proposed Gellar-Boreanaz Arms Appropriations Act.

“I mean, there is, like, no way I am signing that bill as it currently stands,” Love Hewitt said. “As if.”     The bill, which would allocate an                                               see HEWITT page 5A

Bill Gates Denies Public's Request For Loosening Of Tracking Bracelets

MICROSOFT MOUNTAIN—Bill Gates announced Monday that he will not honor the American people's request to loosen their tracking bracelets.     “I have heard your desperate pleas, and I say ‘Nay!’” said Gates, addressing the populace from a secret underground bunker deep within Microsoft Moun­tain. “The bracelets shall remain as they have always been—fastened tightly about the left ankle of every citizen.”     Gates's edict comes on the heels of his Nov. 7 refusal to lower the cost of mandatory Windows 35 brain-chip implantation surgery. As a result of that decision, all Americans will be required to pay $11,750 for the Microsoft surgery, in addition to the standard $6,300 cost of the Windows 35 cranial software itself.     “Who dares refuse to have my operat­ing system implanted in their cerebral                                                 see GATES page 7A

Above: Bill Gates, who has decided to keep Americans' tracking bracelets “nice and tight.”

Final Tree Dies In Captivity

Above: The last tree.

SAN DIEGO—Ming Ming, the beloved ficus believed to be the last remaining tree on Earth, died Monday at the San Diego Zoo. It was 37.     “We will all miss Ming Ming very much,” said San Diego Zoo director Jes­sica Embery. “Everyone here at the zoo, visitors and employees alike, used to love to gather around this rare crea­ture's cage to watch it playfully photo-synthesize.”     Embery said the zoo had attempted to

mate the tree with other endangered species, including the northern spotted owl and the cow, but was unsuccessful.     “We did our best, but our leafy friend was unable to reproduce,” Embery said.     Trees, an oxygen-producing form of flora, once covered much of the planet's surface. They were officially declared endangered in May 2019, less than two years after it was discovered that their bark could be used in the production of                                                  see TREE page 14A

NATION Florida Capsizes Under Weight Of Elderly     TALLAHASSEE, FLA.—After years of teetering on the brink of geriatric critical mass, Florida finally capsized Monday, collapsing under the weight of its elderly populace.     Florida, which, according to the 2030 census, had a senior-citizen population of 280 million, finally caved in at approximately 2:15 p.m. EST, when Ozone Park, N.Y., retirees Sol and Myra Rosenblatt arrived in Boca Raton to live out their golden years. The Queens cou­ple added just enough weight to the state to capsize it.     Millions of mah-jongg tiles were lost                                           see FLORIDA page 10A

SPORTS Budweiser Red Sox Beat Home Depot Cubs 4-3 In World Series Opener     BOSTON —Propelled by a ninth-inning quintuple by Ken Griffey III, the Budweiser Red Sox beat the Home Depot Cubs 4-3 last night before a capacity crowd of 115,477 at Bud Dry Stadium. The victory gave the defend­ing champion Red Sox a 1-0 lead in the best-of-21 series.     "I can't tell you how excited I am," said Griffey, enjoying a delicious, frost-brewed Budweiser. "Much like the King of Beers, a hard-fought victory like this leaves a great taste in your mouth."     Home Depot took the lead early, scor­ing twice in the top of the Chevy Lumina Second Inning, but fell behind when pitcher Kentaro Kumagai surrendered a three-run homer, brought to you by All­state, The Good Hands People.                                      see BUDWEISER page 1D

NEWS China To Join In Fight Against Finland                                             see WORLD page 11B Last Building In L.A. Torn Down To Build On-Ramp                                             see NATION page 10A Local Cybergrocer E-Shot To Death In Web-Site Holdup                                                see LOCAL page 3C Newsweek’s 'Man For The New Millennium' Dies With 966 Years To Go                                               see WORLD page 4B 'Soylent Purple' Introduced                                                see FOOD page 11D

ENTERTAINMENT Damon, Affleck Fight For Custody Of Child                                               see PEOPLE page 2E Cody Gifford Buys Spooky Hilltop Motel                                               see PEOPLE page 1E SPORTS QB Smith Signs Five-Semester, $87 Million Deal With Ohio State                                         see FOOTBALL page 1D INSIDE the ONION Off-World Colonies Update…………………4A Cooking With Insects………………………..7A DNA Buy/Sell…………………………………3B Cybernetic Living……………………………..6B PepsiCorner……………………………………2C Mandatory TV Highlights…………….….….8C